He provides a way.

This post was written by my friend, Tina. I met her in college, but never even knew she was a convert. As I read her story, I was shocked by the things she had been through. I had no idea her life had been so challenging. But, it is true that God provides a way for each of His children to find the gospel, no matter the initial circumstances.

My name is Tina Cox and I am a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love to share my conversion story because it shows the love that our Heavenly Father has for each one of his children and how he provides a way for us to make it back to him.

Let me start by explaining some of my background and family dynamics. I was born out of wedlock to my mother, Jean Ure. My father was unaware of my existence and wasn’t a part of my life until I was older. I am the youngest of three, the only girl, and my brothers and I all have different fathers. My mother was born mentally handicapped, which gives her the mental capacity of a teenager. She was able to raise us and meet our basic needs, but not in the way that most parents do. Her middle child, Randy, was also born with a mental disability which complicated things a little more.

My family and I grew up in the more “ghetto” area of Salt Lake City. We lived in low-income government housing that was pest-ridden. We were surrounded by other low-income families, drug users, and gang members. We went to school when we wanted, weren’t disciplined, and ate poorly. My mom did the best she could with what she had, but it wasn’t the best environment for a child to grow up in.

Because I followed the example of my older brothers and made friends with those who would accept me, I was rebellious and out of control. At a young age, I learned to shoplift things I wanted and needed and actually got quite good at it. My wardrobe consisted of scanty, immodest clothing that we bought from discount clothing stores. I often got into trouble at school for cussing at my teachers, disobeying the rules, or bullying other children. My mom would receive calls from the principal and would come to pick me up, only to reward me with lunch at a fast-food restaurant called, “Gringos.” I never learned to face my consequences; therefore I continued to behave badly.

My mother was never married and had many men coming in and out of our lives. One day when I was around 7 years of age, I left to a friend’s house and my mom was supposed to come and get me when it got dark. She never came and I couldn’t get a hold of her, so I decided to walk home in the dark by myself. When I walked through the door, I saw the kitchen table covered in beer bottles. My mom and her boyfriend, Robert, were stumbling over their feet and slurring their words.

I hadn’t eaten dinner yet, so I went in the kitchen to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My brother Randy was in the other room and did something to upset Robert. Next thing I knew, Robert was taking off the belt around his waist and coming after the both of us. Randy and I ran upstairs to our bedroom, slammed and locked the door behind us. We ran to the window and popped out the screen. Below the window was the roof to a small shed that we jumped to. We quickly jumped to the ground and ran to the next door neighbor’s house to call the police department. Our neighbors didn’t own a phone, so we ran around the block to my best friend’s house to use their phone.

The police came to inspect the situation and our living environment. When they found my mom and her boyfriend drunk, in a cockroach-infested and dirty duplex, they gave her an ultimatum. She could put us in foster care or she could call my dad to take all 3 of us for a period of time. She chose to send us with my dad because it was the only way that we wouldn’t be separated.

My dad was married to my step-mother, Linda, and had a son, Frankie, that was only 18 days younger than me. They were told to come and take my brothers and me with them until the court stated otherwise. They lived in Riverton, Utah, but my step-mom drove us back to Salt Lake the next day so we could attend school. We were all to meet her at the flag pole after school was over, but I was the only one that showed up. My brothers both walked home to live with my mom again.

At a young age, I knew that I wanted better! I had endured physical abuse from my mom’s boyfriends and sexual abuse from my oldest brother. I wanted a place to call home, I wanted a family, I wanted somewhere safe to go, I wanted rules and consequences and I wanted to be happy. I knew that the environment I was living in would never give me the better life I wanted.

So I chose to live with my dad, step-mom, and half-brother and visit my mom on the weekends. My dad gave me my own room with pink walls, my own bed, and toys galore. I went to school every day and was tucked in each night. I was happy but oblivious to the problems that existed within the walls of my new home. My dad was a veteran who suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and dealt with his problems by drinking. He was an alcoholic and occasionally did drugs with my step-mom.

One night, in a drunken rage, my dad attempted to take our lives. My brother and I sat on each side of my step-mom as we watched my dad try to load his shot gun. He eventually got frustrated when he couldn’t keep his hands steady and passed out. Soon after, we received a call from the ward bishop introducing himself and asking if there was anything he could do to help our family. Little did he know that we really did need his help. Because he followed a prompting, he was able to be an instrument for our Heavenly Father.

The bishop helped my family get into a small house down the road where we would be safe. Eventually my step-mom received custody of me and raised me for the remaining years of my childhood. We had kind neighbors always willing to serve us and members of the relief society continually checking on us. Eventually, we had missionaries arrive at our door to share their glad message of the goodness of the gospel. I instantly fell in love with the gospel and knew without a doubt that I had found the true church of Jesus Christ. I can still remember the way I felt when I stepped foot into the church; peace, happiness, safety, and love.

My step-mom grew up in the LDS church but was disfellowshipped, so she didn’t need to get baptized. Frankie and I wanted to be baptized when we were 8 years old, but my dad refused to consent. He came from an Italian family that was raised in the Catholic Church and he felt that we should be raised Catholic as well. It took 2 years to persuade him to let us get baptized. December 16, 2000, I was baptized and became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I felt pure and cleansed of all my sins and the many awful things that had happened to me. I knew that my Heavenly Father loved me and that I was a daughter of God.

Unbeknownst to me, being a member of the church didn’t mean I would be free of trials. I had to endure many more until I got my “Happily Ever After.” My brother soon left the church and got into drugs, immorality issues, and breaking the law. My step-mother could never love me to her full capacity because I was a constant reminder of my dad’s betrayal to her. I suffered her verbal abuse on a daily basis and found myself conflicted with my own self-worth. I was forced to do most of the cleaning and cooking in the house before I could do my homework.  I truly lived a “Cinderella”-like existence; beside myself and different from those that closely surrounded me.

But despite the way I felt at times, I was never alone throughout those years! Heavenly Father was constantly sending angels my way to lead and guide me through my trials. I had amazing ward members who would pick me up from school when I was sick. I was given incredible young women leaders who always made sure that I was invited and attended church and church activities. It was those young women leaders that reminded me of my divine nature and of my individual worth. They never let me forget how talented, smart, and loved I was. I was also given bishops who made sure we always had a roof over our heads, food on our table and presents to open Christmas morning. It is because of these angels that I was able to persevere and reach my full potential. It was a ward member who believed in me, encouraged me to go to college and provided me with the resources to make it happen.

In 2008, I graduated from Riverton High School and received a scholarship to Snow College in Ephraim, Utah. It was in that small and humble town that I met the man of my dreams and best friend. We were married May 29, 2009 in the Manti Temple for time and all eternity. He is my confidant and has supported me as I have gotten rid of my emotional baggage. He is my number one fan and reminds me of my strength and capabilities. It is because of him that I continued my education, received my associate degree, and completed my Bachelor of Science in Nursing to fulfill my dream to become a nurse. Together we have changed the destiny of our future generations and can’t wait to welcome our little girl in April. This is my Happily Ever After!!

My story is proof that God lives and is always watching over us! I have a testimony that despite all of his many children, he knows each one of us individually. He loves us all so much that he gave his only Begotten Son to atone for our sins so that we could return back to him. He wants us to be happy and provides continual ways for us to reach true happiness. I wasn’t born into the church or with a functional family, but he provided a way for me to find the gospel and have an eternal family of my own. If I had a chance, I wouldn’t change one thing about my life because it has made me the woman that I am today and led me to the beautiful life I am living now. I have so much to be grateful for! Life is so good! The church is true! My only hope is that every one of my brothers and sisters can feel of God’s love the way that I have. I say these things in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

i knew there would be a curveball.

HI family! Sending this early but I will be on later as well to check
email, so feel free to write back!

Wow. Well, when I said I expected a curveball, I wasn't kidding. I
guess my body knew before me though because a headache and a cold sore
appeared shortly before a phone call from our zone leaders on Thursday
night letting me know that I had an interview the next day with
President Calderwood. I was in shock. I mean, if I ever imagined being
a sister training leader, I imagined it 2 or 3 transfers down the
road.

I couldn't even sleep Thursday night. In fact, I woke up Friday
morning at 4:30, and not being able to go back to bed, just began
packing my things.

Surreal, right? I suddenly found myself thinking of all of our new
investigators and the members we had started working with and
thinking..."Wait, I'm leaving Little Neck. Already?"

Well, the curveball wasn't over. Saturday night we got our transfer
calls and our district leader says, "Sister Price and Martinez you are
out. Sister Peacock, you're staying." There was silence as my mind
raced until I said..."Wait what?" The thought had crossed my mind once
(what if I stay here and they make it the sister training leader pool)
but I was sure that wasn't the case. It threw everyone off especially
because we have sister training leaders 20 minutes away, in the same
zone. They thought the new set would be in Brooklyn. But, guess not!
Looks like I will be here a litttttle while longer, which too makes
sense since I didn't quite feel like I was leaving yet.

I know that Heavenly Father has that magnificent plan. And, like I
said in the past, I trust Him and I trust President Calderwood 100%.
So, though this is definitely a curveball, I am REALLY looking forward
to the coming transfer(s).

What IS a sister training leader? Basically go on exchanges with each
of the sisters (in our designated area...around 6 or 7 companionships
I think), every transfer. We also sit in on the Missionary Leadership
Council each month, with the APs and Zone Leaders. In my interview,
President told me not to be shy with those elders on the council --
that I will be a voice for the sisters. I feel so humbled! And
excited.

I have always looked up to the sister training leaders. I love my
exchanges with them and learn and grow from their examples. They have
helped me countless times when I have not felt "enough." Now, it
humbles me GREATLY to know this is what Heavenly Father wants me to
do. I know he truly does not call the qualified; he qualifies the
called. It reminds me of one of my favorite chapters in the Book of
Mormon, in Alma 26. Ammon is talking about the successes and miracles
they've had in missionary work and his brother chides him for being
boastful. But Ammon continues that he isn't boasting in himself; he is
boasting in God, because with HIM, nothing is impossible.

"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to MY strength, I am weak ... but I
WILL boast of my God, for in His strength I can do ALL things ...
therefore, have we not GREAT reason to rejoice?" (Alma 26:12-13)

As I look back on this past transfer, I can see how the Lord was
preparing me and how my testimony needed this strengthening transfer
to develop and grow. How I really came to rely on the Savior, learn
and study more, be more obedient, become more bold, and believe in
miracles. And now I can look back on it and REJOICE.  Rejoice in the
missionary work done here. Rejoice in inviting people to be baptized.
Rejoice in meeting new people. In being more fearless. Rejoice in
getting to know the members and having them teach with us.

This past week has been wonderful. On Monday night, we began teaching
four new investigators (one single woman and three in a family). One
of them, Fernanda, seems like a "pure in heart" person. We taught her
again on Friday and she was asking a lot of questions, really trying
to understand the message. IT was beautiful. I was thinking how sad it
was that I wouldn't see her progress...but now I will :) The other
three are a family (Nilda, Pedro and Daniel). We had caroled for them
at Christmas and they asked us to sing a hymn before we left when we
stopped by on Monday. Music definitely brings the spirit.

Our district leader also asked that we make a lesson plan to help
teach the members to be missionaries and participate in the "hastening
of the work." They had asked us because I had mentioned how we taught
members lessons in missionary work in Riverhead. This time it was a
different approach, so it was a blast to make a new lesson outline.

We also had zone training on Friday. We had workshops on the new
standards of excellence for our mission (we are calling it 5/5/5
because President has set the goals for 2014 at 500 baptisms, 5,000
members at church (in the mission) and 500 recent converts/less
actives to the temple). Last year, our numbers were in the 300s, so
this seems like a big number, but I know it is totally achievable. To
illustrate it, they had every missionary commit to doing a certain
number of pushups. We added it all up and it came to like 479. So, of
course when we did our "required" number, we wanted to keep pushing
ourselves to do more, to hit 500. We ended up getting nearly 800. I
did 33 (and I refused to do "girl pushups"). Ha. But, the point is, we
know hitting our goals are possible. We just have to give everything
we have and work until we drop!

I have been studying obedience this past week and have really started
to understand it more. How it is critical to not only do the right
thing, but for the right reason. ANd to trust in the purposes of
Heavenly Father. I love this quote I found:

"I give you my witness that the leaders of this church will never ask
us to do anything that we cannot perform with the help of the Lord. We
may feel inadequate. That which we are asked to do may not be to our
liking or fit in with our ideas. But if we will try with faith and
prayer and resolution, we can accomplish it." -- Gordon B. Hinckley
(From the October 1971 General Conference) (“If Ye Be Willing and
Obedient”)

Yesterday at church we had a member of the 70 teach us about hastening
the work and being member missionaries. THat will go perfectly with
our new lesson plan. What a blessing that we didn't even know about!
Anyway, I am super excited about the next transfer and know, without a
doubt, I am where GOd needs me, because it sure isnt what I expected.

I was also able to receive a blessing yesterday from Brother Blom. He
drove here from Riverhead with the family and it was a wonderful
opportunity to feel the power of the priesthood, giving me confidence
for the next chapter in my mission. I am so grateful for worthy
priesthood holders and can't wait to have that for myself one day, in
my home.

ALso, on a final note, a member in our ward remembered talking to me
on my first Sunday here. I had told him I was from North Carolina. WE
get a text from him over the weekend and he said he was going down to
NC and would be bringing back some bbq. I didnt know if he was
serious...but he was! He brought back 24 buns, 2 pounds of bbq and
coleslaw, this amazing bbq/vinegar sauce, and also 12 bottles of
Cheerwine. Luckily the elders were still at the church and so all of
us enjoyed a quick lunch at the church. And there was still half of it
left when we were done eating! I shared with one of the elders, who is
from NC as well. It was so nice of Brother Bradley though. It meant a
lot! I have really been blessed by members on my mission.

Anyway, super long email...sorry about that! I love you!

Sister Peacock

of mountains & molehills.

My mission president once said, "Turn the mountains of your life into molehills and then glide over the top of them."

As a person who has a past with worrying too much, doubting myself or others, and stressing over the small stuff, I valued that precious counsel. How could I worry less? How could I have more faith? How could I build trust in my Savior? I knew if I really focused on turning the "mountains into molehills" instead of the opposite (which is my tendency), life (and my mission) would be more successful and happier.

I think this advice was given to us in a conference, sometime around six months ago, and I can say that I have learned to trust.  I have learned that tests are for our benefit. I have learned that, as hard as things may seem, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And, you can learn a lot in the process. But, it takes effort to learn. I had to become teachable. I had to be humble (again, not something I was naturally prone to be).

But what did I learn through the process? 

• God is real. He cares about you and me. 
• Every single person has talents and abilities, even if they are different than mine. 
• Sometimes the seemingly "weakest" person teaches you the most. 
• You can't measure others up to the standard you have for yourself because each one of us is different. Each one of us has a different "bar" we are trying to meet.
• If you want to love someone, find ways to serve them.
• Don't give up.

I love that advice in the picture, given by our living prophet. How true it is. Tough times come. But are we going to stick it out? OR are we going to give up?

Please, please don't give up. You can keep going .I know that if we look at things with a bigger perspective, not stressing the small stuff, and not focused on ourselves and our weaknesses, that God will create a masterpiece. We are the work of His hands; He can make something so much greater of us than we could ever dream.

So, when you feel discouraged or down because of life and its situations, remember, you can turn your mountains in molehills. You can defeat them. You CAN finish. 

from freezing to 60.

Hi family!

Well, it has been a crazy week ... in terms of weather. On Tuesday, it
was a chilly 7 degrees. With the wind chill, it felt like -21. So,
that was pretty cold. We were fearlessing and outside for awhile. My
ears and cheeks were burning, but for some reason, I couldn't stop
smiling! Am I weird or what? And then we had weather in the 50s at the
end of week, which practically feels like bathing suit weather
comparatively. Minus that we are missionaries and don't wear bathing
suits. But, anyway, you understand the idea.

So, what has happened this past week? We haven't been able to meet
with our investigators as we had planned, but we did continue teaching
temple prep to two members. I am getting so excited to go in February.
I can't wait to feel that peace and joy from the temple! ANd to see
these members take that step in their lives as well.

We have been on a kick this week to talk to more people and to give
out more Books of Mormon ("a BOM a day keeps satan away"). Well, we
were able to get into an apartment building on a super rainy day, so
we just started knocking doors and were able to meet Miriam. I
exclaimed, "That's my nieces name!" but we talked a bit and offered
her a Book of Mormon. She said we could come back in a few weeks, so
hopefully that will go well!

We also helped the bishop's wife with some household things the other
day. She mentioned, "I have so much oatmeal! What do I do with that
much oatmeal?" ANd of course me, being me, said, "Well, I could help
make cookies with your girls!" Hehe. It was super fun and reminded me
of all the times making cookies with Lizzie and Millie. Fun fact. The
bishop is 34. His wife is 32. They have 5 kids. Lilly is 8, Owen is 6,
Tessa is 4, Penny is 2, and Alice is a baby. Weird to realize...oh,
our bishop is younger than my brothers. :)

Another fun fact. One of the elders told me the other day, "Hey, you
could have been MY efy counselor!"

We taught Sunday School yesterday, and as I realized I was 10 years
older than the youth we were teaching, I started thinking back to my
times in Sunday school. I still remember some of the lessons. I
realized though how much potential there is in these youth -- the
lessons are different now; the teaching method has changed. But, their
future is so bright! IT is really exciting. Also weird to think I will
be almost 30 when they go on their missions.

A big highlight of the week was our sisters' conference on Wednesday.
President told us that by June, we will have around 80 sisters in our
mission (about 40 percent, and we are getting both Chinese sisters and
sign language sisters). THe conference was a great chance to be
edified and uplifted. We watched the talk "His Grace Is Sufficient" by
Brad Wilcox. Fantastic devotional. Look it up. And I realized, over
and over, how I am supposed to be here. Not only on a mission. But to
THIS SPECIFIC mission. I know I have been called here for a reason. No
doubt.

Just to wrap up, here is an excellent quote the talk:
"Jesus doesn't make UP the difference. Jesus makes ALL the difference.
Grace is not about filling gaps. It is about filling us."

I love you! Looking forward to whatever transfer calls bring this
weekend...I sense a curveball!

love you.

-sister peacock

ps. we looked at the pics of incoming missionaries for next week and
one of them is from SUU and I was in a ton of Spanish classes with
her! She is actually a visa waiter, waiting to go to Russia. But, hey,
maybe the curveball will be me training her! Ha!

PS. ANother fun idea...transform your Jenga game in to gospel
principles. Write one on each block. Great way to talk about each
principle throughout the game. Then you can talk about how they build
a strong foundation; but if they are taken out, our foundation
eventually crumbles.

Pictures: 2 of the bishop's girls (Lilly and Penny) in their German
dresses; me with Tessa making cookies; all of the sisters in the
mission at our conference.

2014

Hi family! Happy New Years! We had to be in early so we played some
games and then went to bed at 8:30...and just like my other missionary
friends have said, it seems really weird to be inside at 6 p.m. and
not doing anything.

This past week has been good -- we had 3 member presents this week!
Woohoo. We're getting better. And, one of the lessons, we challenged
our inv. Wilnara to get baptized. It was my first time meeting her,
but it was a pretty awesome commit. She said she would commit to Feb.
22, so we are really excited. She still needs to come to church, but
we are praying we can start teaching her whole family. She is from
Brazil; her husband is Dominican; they are MARRIED (that is a big deal
here!) and have 2 kids. So, I know we can have miracles here if we
work and are obedient. I am excited to see what happens.

We also taught a woman who is preparing to go to the temple on Feb.
21. She is from Barbados. We taught her at the Calderwood's house. It
is definitely a blessing to have President Calderwood and his wife
help with our lessons. We ate dinner with them and Elmie and then
taught her a temple prep lesson, because they don't have it in our
ward right now. I am excited for her too! We have another person who
we have committed to go to the temple on Feb. 14 (both of these are
for endowments) so if all goes as planned...we will have two temple
trips and a baptism next transfer. Now, that would be amazing. I
really look up to my mission president though and his family -- i
learn so much everytime I am around them and feel inspired! Blessed to
be here.

Friday, we received like 10 inches of snow...everything shut down. But
we had a great time shoveling driveways and sidewalks for about 5
hours. Nothing stops us! People thought we were crazy. We're not
crazy. We're missionaries.

Saturday, we had a street sweep and Sis Martinez wanted to be more
confident with fearlessing (contacting people) and she had a mission
to hand out all of her mormon.org cards. It was great fun! We stood on
a street corner and talked to eveyr single person.Then, we walked up
and down one street...4 times..trying to hand out the final 2 cards.
Every single person said no (after 1.5 hours of success). It was just
Satan, but  I knew she could complete her goal. And we did! She
said,"I have never been that fearless in my mission!" and I can really
see her desire growing to be more open and talkative to people. She
does want that. It was a really great moment!

I can see changes -- more desires to be obedient in our companionship,
more desires to see miracles, to talk to more people, to work hard, to
use our time wisely.

One other thing this past week that was special -- I posted a story on
my blog from my friend Carter. He was less active for the 5 years I
knew him, until this summer. ANd I have been able to have skype
lessons with him. Well, he has been going back to church for 5 months
now and I can see such a difference in him. He is so much happier. He
asked me if he could write a post on my blog about his conversion
story and his decision to come back. It was a great post. I hope it
inspired or helped someone; many people commented on Facebook about
the link and how inspiring it was. It is amazing to see the
transformation in someone's life when they accept the gospel and when
they accept Jesus as their Savior. Truly, we are nothing in life until
we use the Atonement.

Finally, as I was studying this morning, I started thinking back on
the past 9 months of my mission. I started to think back on the times
of being bold, on bearing witness of the message, and on things I
needed to improve on for the next 9 months. I felt the realization
that my time left is relatively short -- have I become the missionary
the Lord wants? I am still striving, but I felt the need to do more,
to work harder, to be more fearless, more bold. Now is the time to
have more courage. I know that if we look for miracles and WORK for
miracles -- if we prove our faith through obedience -- that the
miracles WILL come. I realized I am not yet the missionary I want to
be; there are many things I want to improve to become more like the
Savior and I have to start now, before my time is up.

So, anyway, long letter...but I love you! Thanks for everything. Happy
Birthday dad! I kind of organized an "inter-district bonding" activity
with one of the neighboring districts because my friend Elder
Martherus (Served with him for 6 months) is in it and it is his
birthday today too. So we are playing Jenga and Clue, eating brownies
and icecream, and socializing. I am glad they are nearby! IT will be a
fun pday...so I must be going!

Until next week,
Hermana Peacock

Oh, and for a fun picture...we are helping this woman in our ward with
family history. She has 8 cats, 2 large pit bulls, and 1 small, blind
dog. In a tiny apartment. You learn a lot on your mission ;) But, this
cat was at least fluffy. I joke with my companions that I am destined
to be a cat lady. THis proves it!

My whole mission on Christmas Eve! :) just to give you perspective of
how many missionaries..we have 260 and last year was about 180.

conversion: a sister missionary's battle with pornography.

 

This story was written by a sister missionary serving here in the New York, New York South Mission. It is her account of battling with pornography -- how she tried to hide it, how it affected her, and how she is now fighting it as a servant of the Lord:

"I'm not sure exactly how or when it happened, but when I was 12 years old, I found myself gripped in the addiction of pornography. The adversary was -- and is -- working double time to ruin the lives of all people on earth. Unfortunately, it wasn't until four years later when I realized exactly what it was I had gotten into. I had always heard the general authorities talk about the dangers of "pornography" but I had no idea this big word they were talking about was what had trapped me. 

I thought that since the form I was partaking of was “more conservative” that it wasn't what the general authorities were talking about. Then again, I wasn't really listening to them much. I continued going to church -- not because I wanted to but because I had family in my ward and I knew they would get worried if I didn't come. I didn't want to disappoint my parents. But I would use any excuse I had to miss church (many times feigning illnesses). I kept going to church and acting as if I was a perfect little "Mormon" girl. All the while, I was keeping my addiction very, very secret and very, very hidden. I could see my testimony slowly withering and honestly didn't care. I could feel the difference between me and other youth. They knew doctrine and scriptures ... I could maybe tell you where to find 1 or 2 Nephi. 

I lived this way for six-and-a-half years, keeping my withering spirit hidden, and putting on a happy face to hide it from family and friends. When I was 17, about to be 18, I had a humbling experience that made me want to change. My grandfather, one of the kindest, gentlest, most Christlike men I have ever met, was diagnosed with cancer. He went through test and surgeries, all to no avail. The cancer had progressed too far and there was no way he was going to survive the next year. I had the blessed opportunity to receive my patriarchal blessing from him and two months later on Christmas Eve, he passed away. His death struck me very hard. I could see how my mother was grieving, I felt guilty for what I was doing, I felt as if my loving grandfather was watching over me, and would weep for me when he would see me indulge in my addiction. But I was so deep into the addiction that there was no way to stop. For about six months that guilt worked on my heart and mind. 

 I will forever remember the day my life completely changed; I had been invited by my best friend to attend her stake girls’camp. This girl had been my friend through everything though she didn't know about my addiction. At the camp, we had no access to computers, cell phones, music – it was just us and nature. The first day at camp, we had a meeting, began talking about the armor of God and the fiery darts of the adversary. A young woman began speaking about a trial she had with an eating disorder and how she was able to overcome it. While she was speaking, the Spirit was speaking to me, telling me I could make it; I could stop my addiction, I had to trust in the Lord.

It was at this time the camp song was introduced to us. I am a musically inclined person so this song spoke to me in a way nothing else could.

The photos in the magazine don't dictate who I'm supposed to be. 
The world can't recognize all that I am inside, but I know in his eyes I am a part of a bigger picture. 
There's so much more to me, he helps me see that I have so much to offer -- I am HIS daughter. 
He loves me the way I am, he's my strength when I stand, he is my king and my father. 
I am HIS daughter. 
The people on the tv screens, The leaders, rulers and queens. 
I watch them shape the world, and though I'm just a girl, I still know for sure 
That I am a part of a bigger picture. 
There's so much more to me, he helps me see that I have so much to offer I am HIS daughter. 
He loves me the way I am, he's my strength when I stand, he is my king and my father. 
I am HIS daughter. 
And when I'm feeling small, And wonder if I'll ever, 
I'll find courage to stand tall, 
Through his love I'll remember.
There's so much more to me, he helps me see that I have so much to offer I am HIS daughter. 
He loves me the way I am, he's my strength when I stand, he is my king and my father. 
I am HIS daughter. 

When the song finished they told us to take a small package of papers and find a secluded part of the camp to ponder and pray. I took my package to a rock near a small stream, and poured my heart out in the most heartfelt prayer. That day, under the powerful influence of the spirit, I gained a testimony of the Atonement and how Christ paid for EVERYTHING. 

There is NOTHING He can not do for us. I made a decision that day to never again view pornography. And here I stand, 18 months later, holding strong to that resolution. I made the decision to begin reading the Book of Mormon or others scriptures and praying everyday, and I haven't missed a day. Four months after my resolution, the age change for missionaries was announced. I could see the hand of the Lord preparing me to be able to leave as soon as the change was announced. If they had announced it any sooner, I wouldn't have been worthy, and any later, I may not have had the opportunity. I've seen the blessings of the Lord and am so grateful for everything He has done for me. 

Some days are still hard. The battle with pornography is an ongoing mental challenge, but I know the Lord is my rock; He is my salvation and the song of my soul. I love Him and am so grateful for His redeeming sacrifice for me, a little country girl from the middle-of-nowhere Idaho. I can honestly say, I KNOW that my Redeemer lives; I know He loves us. And now I am here in New York, proclaiming to the world as a missionary, what I know and how it will bless them. I know my Savior is here with me and is helping me everyday to get through challenges of daily life. Not all conversion is as instant as mine; most takes years to grow and develop. Now I know I am on the road to perfection, the path to peace, and the way to my Father in Heaven.

There are many thing that lead us away from the gospel of Jesus Christ; there are also things that lead us TO the gospel. I hope you learn from my experience and know that it's NEVER too late to turn to Christ and accept His atonement in your life. 

happy new year!

HELLO!

So, we hit a breakthrough this week! I think my companions and I are
now friends. That is big news! Mostly I think we all felt rejuvenated
and empowered after our mission-wide Christmas Eve devotional. We have
started to talk a lot more, tell stories, open up about ourselves,
LAUGH together, and equally participate in planning and teaching.
Plus, my weird side is coming out .... :)

I learned this week, in my studies, how change always teach us
something. I love this quote from President Monson from October
General Conference. He says,
"such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our
lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become
something different from what we were--better than we were, more
understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with
stronger testimonies than we had before. This should be our
purpose--to persevere and endure, yes, but also to become more
spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and sorrow.
Were it not for challenges to overcome and problems to solve, we would
remain much as we are, with little or no progress toward our goal of
eternal life.  (“I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee”)

The talk, in its entirety, is super great so you should just read it
"I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." It was a great moment of
reflection for me -- to see where I was a year ago, six months, ago,
one month ago, and where I am now. I know that the challenges of this
transfer are to make me become better, to rebuild my life to be more
obedient, and to learn that understanding and patience. I definitely
have seen my testimony grow in the past few weeks as well. I thought
things were great in Riverhead and that I had it all figured out as a
missionary. But, since being here, it is a rededication to my purpose
as a missionary ... to be more obedient, more fearless, more giving,
more bold. Sure, things were pretty great there, but coming here
allowed me to look at what I was doing and ways I could improve to
yield even more blessings. I know I am coming to know my Savior as I
trust in His plans to guide us to people who are ready, and waiting
for the gospel.

Christmas was fantastic. We did service at a veteran's hospital, where
I saw an old piano and began playing christmas carols. Soon enough, we
had a group of about 6 singing along. They were really grateful for
our help too. And dinner at the calderwoods plus a priesthood
blessing...

We met again with our new investigator, Liz. The elders found her and
referred her to us. She is Puerto Rican but has lived in NY for most
of her life. She has three daughters; the youngest is 16. She reminds
me a lot of mom and the relationship between her and her youngest
daughter is very familiar to me. We taught her about the restoration
this past week and I could feel the spirit so strong during the
lesson. She said she believed it was true -- what happened to Joseph
Smith. It is an amazing feeling to be able to promise blessings as a
representative of Jesus Christ. I promised her that if she continued
learning and making the gospel a priority, her family relationships
would improve and she would find greater peace in her life. I know,
beyond a doubt, that is true. I know she felt the truth of the words I
was speaking too, as she was close to tears. I can really see her
progressing towards baptism and hope she will continue meeting with us
so she can find that happiness in her life.

I have also had a few other faith-building experiences this week. I am
starting a project on my blog where friends/missionaries/etc share
stories of their conversion or of coming back to the gospel. In doing
so, I have been able to strengthen my testimony of the power of the
Atonement. I recently received a conversion story from a fellow sister
missionary, and in her story, she talks about the struggles SHE faced
with pornography as a teenager. It was shocking to me to read her
account and realize how far she has come. I hope this project will
help others who are struggling or who need to hear that someone has
been in their place. If you have a story to share, please send it to
me as well. I'm excited to use this tool for a good purpose.

In other news, this week we had a minor detour into the New York North
mission. See, there are a few bridges in our area and if you don't pay
attention while driving, you will find that you missed the last exit
and there is no way to turn around before reaching the other mission.
On Thursday night, we were headed to pick up a member for a lesson and
Sis Price missed the exit, resulting in crossing a bridge into the
Bronx...and paying $7.50 toll. Luckily, we were able to quickly turn
around once we crossed the bridge. It was quite the adventure, and
although we ended up an hour late to our appointment, we returned safe
and sound ..and had some good laughs about our misfortune. I think
that was a bonding moment for all of us!

But happy 9 months to me this Friday! Holy cow. Halfway? My mission
time left seems relatively short now.

We are preparing a member to go to the temple for her endowments as
well on February 14. The bishop is having us teach her he classes. I
am excited to be able to go with her. What a blessing to go to the
temple! To have it so close.

Why Not Now?

 

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about an upcoming series on my blog -- stories of hope, faith, change and conversion.

 

This is Carter's story.