He provides a way.

This post was written by my friend, Tina. I met her in college, but never even knew she was a convert. As I read her story, I was shocked by the things she had been through. I had no idea her life had been so challenging. But, it is true that God provides a way for each of His children to find the gospel, no matter the initial circumstances.

My name is Tina Cox and I am a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love to share my conversion story because it shows the love that our Heavenly Father has for each one of his children and how he provides a way for us to make it back to him.

Let me start by explaining some of my background and family dynamics. I was born out of wedlock to my mother, Jean Ure. My father was unaware of my existence and wasn’t a part of my life until I was older. I am the youngest of three, the only girl, and my brothers and I all have different fathers. My mother was born mentally handicapped, which gives her the mental capacity of a teenager. She was able to raise us and meet our basic needs, but not in the way that most parents do. Her middle child, Randy, was also born with a mental disability which complicated things a little more.

My family and I grew up in the more “ghetto” area of Salt Lake City. We lived in low-income government housing that was pest-ridden. We were surrounded by other low-income families, drug users, and gang members. We went to school when we wanted, weren’t disciplined, and ate poorly. My mom did the best she could with what she had, but it wasn’t the best environment for a child to grow up in.

Because I followed the example of my older brothers and made friends with those who would accept me, I was rebellious and out of control. At a young age, I learned to shoplift things I wanted and needed and actually got quite good at it. My wardrobe consisted of scanty, immodest clothing that we bought from discount clothing stores. I often got into trouble at school for cussing at my teachers, disobeying the rules, or bullying other children. My mom would receive calls from the principal and would come to pick me up, only to reward me with lunch at a fast-food restaurant called, “Gringos.” I never learned to face my consequences; therefore I continued to behave badly.

My mother was never married and had many men coming in and out of our lives. One day when I was around 7 years of age, I left to a friend’s house and my mom was supposed to come and get me when it got dark. She never came and I couldn’t get a hold of her, so I decided to walk home in the dark by myself. When I walked through the door, I saw the kitchen table covered in beer bottles. My mom and her boyfriend, Robert, were stumbling over their feet and slurring their words.

I hadn’t eaten dinner yet, so I went in the kitchen to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My brother Randy was in the other room and did something to upset Robert. Next thing I knew, Robert was taking off the belt around his waist and coming after the both of us. Randy and I ran upstairs to our bedroom, slammed and locked the door behind us. We ran to the window and popped out the screen. Below the window was the roof to a small shed that we jumped to. We quickly jumped to the ground and ran to the next door neighbor’s house to call the police department. Our neighbors didn’t own a phone, so we ran around the block to my best friend’s house to use their phone.

The police came to inspect the situation and our living environment. When they found my mom and her boyfriend drunk, in a cockroach-infested and dirty duplex, they gave her an ultimatum. She could put us in foster care or she could call my dad to take all 3 of us for a period of time. She chose to send us with my dad because it was the only way that we wouldn’t be separated.

My dad was married to my step-mother, Linda, and had a son, Frankie, that was only 18 days younger than me. They were told to come and take my brothers and me with them until the court stated otherwise. They lived in Riverton, Utah, but my step-mom drove us back to Salt Lake the next day so we could attend school. We were all to meet her at the flag pole after school was over, but I was the only one that showed up. My brothers both walked home to live with my mom again.

At a young age, I knew that I wanted better! I had endured physical abuse from my mom’s boyfriends and sexual abuse from my oldest brother. I wanted a place to call home, I wanted a family, I wanted somewhere safe to go, I wanted rules and consequences and I wanted to be happy. I knew that the environment I was living in would never give me the better life I wanted.

So I chose to live with my dad, step-mom, and half-brother and visit my mom on the weekends. My dad gave me my own room with pink walls, my own bed, and toys galore. I went to school every day and was tucked in each night. I was happy but oblivious to the problems that existed within the walls of my new home. My dad was a veteran who suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and dealt with his problems by drinking. He was an alcoholic and occasionally did drugs with my step-mom.

One night, in a drunken rage, my dad attempted to take our lives. My brother and I sat on each side of my step-mom as we watched my dad try to load his shot gun. He eventually got frustrated when he couldn’t keep his hands steady and passed out. Soon after, we received a call from the ward bishop introducing himself and asking if there was anything he could do to help our family. Little did he know that we really did need his help. Because he followed a prompting, he was able to be an instrument for our Heavenly Father.

The bishop helped my family get into a small house down the road where we would be safe. Eventually my step-mom received custody of me and raised me for the remaining years of my childhood. We had kind neighbors always willing to serve us and members of the relief society continually checking on us. Eventually, we had missionaries arrive at our door to share their glad message of the goodness of the gospel. I instantly fell in love with the gospel and knew without a doubt that I had found the true church of Jesus Christ. I can still remember the way I felt when I stepped foot into the church; peace, happiness, safety, and love.

My step-mom grew up in the LDS church but was disfellowshipped, so she didn’t need to get baptized. Frankie and I wanted to be baptized when we were 8 years old, but my dad refused to consent. He came from an Italian family that was raised in the Catholic Church and he felt that we should be raised Catholic as well. It took 2 years to persuade him to let us get baptized. December 16, 2000, I was baptized and became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I felt pure and cleansed of all my sins and the many awful things that had happened to me. I knew that my Heavenly Father loved me and that I was a daughter of God.

Unbeknownst to me, being a member of the church didn’t mean I would be free of trials. I had to endure many more until I got my “Happily Ever After.” My brother soon left the church and got into drugs, immorality issues, and breaking the law. My step-mother could never love me to her full capacity because I was a constant reminder of my dad’s betrayal to her. I suffered her verbal abuse on a daily basis and found myself conflicted with my own self-worth. I was forced to do most of the cleaning and cooking in the house before I could do my homework.  I truly lived a “Cinderella”-like existence; beside myself and different from those that closely surrounded me.

But despite the way I felt at times, I was never alone throughout those years! Heavenly Father was constantly sending angels my way to lead and guide me through my trials. I had amazing ward members who would pick me up from school when I was sick. I was given incredible young women leaders who always made sure that I was invited and attended church and church activities. It was those young women leaders that reminded me of my divine nature and of my individual worth. They never let me forget how talented, smart, and loved I was. I was also given bishops who made sure we always had a roof over our heads, food on our table and presents to open Christmas morning. It is because of these angels that I was able to persevere and reach my full potential. It was a ward member who believed in me, encouraged me to go to college and provided me with the resources to make it happen.

In 2008, I graduated from Riverton High School and received a scholarship to Snow College in Ephraim, Utah. It was in that small and humble town that I met the man of my dreams and best friend. We were married May 29, 2009 in the Manti Temple for time and all eternity. He is my confidant and has supported me as I have gotten rid of my emotional baggage. He is my number one fan and reminds me of my strength and capabilities. It is because of him that I continued my education, received my associate degree, and completed my Bachelor of Science in Nursing to fulfill my dream to become a nurse. Together we have changed the destiny of our future generations and can’t wait to welcome our little girl in April. This is my Happily Ever After!!

My story is proof that God lives and is always watching over us! I have a testimony that despite all of his many children, he knows each one of us individually. He loves us all so much that he gave his only Begotten Son to atone for our sins so that we could return back to him. He wants us to be happy and provides continual ways for us to reach true happiness. I wasn’t born into the church or with a functional family, but he provided a way for me to find the gospel and have an eternal family of my own. If I had a chance, I wouldn’t change one thing about my life because it has made me the woman that I am today and led me to the beautiful life I am living now. I have so much to be grateful for! Life is so good! The church is true! My only hope is that every one of my brothers and sisters can feel of God’s love the way that I have. I say these things in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Why Not Now?

 

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about an upcoming series on my blog -- stories of hope, faith, change and conversion.

 

This is Carter's story.

 

forever changed.

Shortly after starting my mission, I learned a profound lesson from my mission president, President Calderwood. The New York South mission theme is "forever changed." But, what does that mean? How can someone be "forever changed" or "changing?"

President Calderwood illustrated a pattern that we see everywhere -- in the scriptures, in our families, and in the church. 

First, it starts with the gospel of Jesus Christ, which is: faith, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. That is the path we must take. It's not a one-way road; it's more like a roundabout. Yes, the gospel of Jesus Christ is a cycle. We can't expect to have faith or repent once and be fine. It's a process. As we come to learn about these principles and live them, we have a desire to change and to be changed. 

This takes us to the second step -- living the gospel of Jesus Christ allows us to be forever changing. This is the concept that intrigued me ... what does it mean to forever change? Forever is a daunting word. In the scriptures, we read how the Anti-Nephi-Lehies buried their weapons of war, never to use them again. They were forever changed. How can we guarantee that we are "forever changed?" I prefer to think of it in terms of changing because, just like the gospel is a process, we are constantly being molded & refined, and hopefully, becoming better. 

I went to a mission conference shortly after being taught this pattern and many of the sisters bore their testimonies about how they've changed on their missions. I started to panic. "I've been out 2 months! Why don't I feel that way? What's wrong with me? I feel the same as I was at home! Why aren't I forever changed yet?" 

But, that's the very evidence of being forever changed...the fact that I had the desire to be different. See, the third part of the pattern is obedience. When we are forever changing, we want to be obedient. We choose to follow God. We look for ways to improve.

That's where patience and persistence come in. Change isn't an overnight process (WHAT? Since when?). There are a few goals I set at the beginning of my mission and I'm still working at being or becoming these things -- more charitable, more patience, more selfless ... the list goes on. But, the important thing is that when we live the gospel of Jesus Christ, we have the desire to change. Sometimes, we feel like we don't measure up, or that everyone is going on the fast-track to happiness & is progressing so much quicker. But, where is our desire? And what are doing to show God our desires? 

So, to sum it up, as we learn and live the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, we begin to forever change, and we are obedient as we do so. 

Forever changing ... it's a process to become more like the Savior. I know as I've tried to become more like Him, to adopt His attributes, that I've felt His love in my life. It's not easy. It's easier. 

what is the worth?

Today we met a woman who has been physically abused for years. Though she has been [nearly] killed and is now "in hiding," her positive attitude carries her through the day. She met a member of the church and had attended a few times in the past. When she left, she was able to track down a number and called us.

Abuse of any kind leaves me with a sick-to-my-stomach feeling. There's a heaviness about the subject, and it was hard to listen as she described some of the things she endured. But, looking on the optimistic side, she said her "battle of abuse" helped her believe in God. For some, it would tear down any belief system. I've seen it happen. But, she began to seek Him most during these experiences.

As we sat and spoke with her, I had an undeniable feeling that this woman -- this daughter of God -- had great worth. I pulled out a crisp dollar bill from my wallet and said, "How much is this worth?"

She responded, "It's a dollar bill."

I then crumpled it up into a little ball and repeated the question.

Again she said, "It's a dollar."

Then, I explained to her that though it was crumpled, a little dirty and worn, yes, it still had value. It was still a dollar bill. It still held its worth.

We are like these dollar bills (though we are worth much more than $1 to God, our Heavenly Father). But, though we may be imperfect, though some of us have strayed far from the path or feel unworthy of God's love or the Atonement of Christ, we can all become new again. We can all return to the state of a fresh, crisp dollar bill.

I know that it's true. No matter where you are, no matter what you've done or what's happened to you, change is possible. Growth is possible. We can start again through the power of Christ's Atonement.

Even if you feel unloved, unappreciated, or broken ... you are of great worth.



D&C 18:10 -- "Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."

being bold.

It's an exciting time to be a missionary. We can use social media and other means to share the gospel in new, exciting ways. We want to have the help of members too -- we hope that this will help them invite their friends to meet us in a less threatening way. How easy is it to "share" a post or to "like" a status?

And so begins the new journey of blogging on the mission, more than just the weekly letters that have been posted here.

We had a zone meeting yesterday and the resonating feeling I had was that I need to be more bold as a missionary. This feeling was still with me this morning, and so I studied all of the scriptures and references I could referring to "bold," "boldly," and "boldness." There were many great references, but my favorite was in Moroni 8:16:

" Behold, I speak with boldness, having authority from God; and I fear not what man can do; for perfect love casteth out all fear."

I realized that as a missionary, I have that "authority" from God. I have been set apart as a representative of Christ. And, that perfect love? That's charity. That's the pure, perfect love of Christ. And, if we really have charity, we won't fear. That charity is what inspires us to speak out, to share the gospel with our friends. It is because we love them and we know that this way is the only way to happiness. Even more than that, as I found this morning, that perfect love dispels any fear we may have.

Now, putting it into practice is the challenging fun part. We were "fearlessing" today (talking to strangers) and we ended up engaged in a rather interesting conversation with three recovering drug addicts. I was able to speak with boldness to them. And when they asked how to know if people were just "blindly believing" in Joseph Smith or the religion, I firmly, powerfully, and lovingly testified, as a representative of Christ, that this was His work. And that they could find out for themselves. In the end, regardless of what we say, it comes down to reading and praying to know, for yourself, if it is true. We can't force the gospel into lives. But, we can lead them by example. We can be loving. We can be firm. And if we teach them with love, they will know there is something different about us.

I can't describe the feeling as I told this young man, "As a representative of Christ, I can promise you..." One of the others said, "Did you just say you're a representative of Christ?" And it was powerful (and bold) to say, "Yes, that's what I said. And it's the truth."

So, my invitation? Be bold. If you know this church is true, and if you believe it, share it. Share it with your friends, your family, your neighbors. Live it. If you don't know, be bold. Ask. Ask God. If you ask in faith, there is a promise that you will receive an answer. 

Don't take my word for it.

snapshot sunday.

Me, Jake, Brayden, and Ben (friends from high school)

It is such a cool thing when boys you grew up with & went to high school with come back as men after serving a 2-year mission.
...When they grow up a little.
.....mature (a little).
........and radiate happiness when they get back.

Today I saw my friend Jake speak about his missionary experiences in the England Leeds mission. His talk was exactly what I needed to hear today. It was powerful. Brilliant. And it made me want to become better.

One thing Jake talked about was this key question: Who am I?
And, on that same idea ... Are the choices I'm making today limiting my potential?
It gave me a lot to think about. But one thing is for sure -- God knows each one of us. He knows who we were before we came to Earth, who we are right now, and more importantly He knows who we can become.

I'm grateful for my friends who are such examples of this & for the opportunities I have to learn again & again these principles.

How was your Sunday?