I haven’t sat down to write anything since, well, being home. I think of how writing was such a passion for me. It’s what I did every single day. I had dreams of being a journalist -- capturing the latest breaking news and broadcasting it for all to see. And now, here I am. Five months after coming home from New York, I am really writing for the first time.
And it hits me. How sad. How terribly, terribly sad. How did I let such a passion slip away? Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the choices we make and where they take us. I know there are many doors to choose from -- to take us in any direction, really. But, which doors am I opening? Which doors am I shutting? I don’t want to let this passion, this love of writing, become a closed door. So, I am writing. And it might turn out to be a mess! But, here goes.
Guess what? Here has what been on my mind lately: making decisions is hard! But, it is especially hard for me, an indecisive person (so indecisive, mind you, that I literally asked a friend last week, “Am I indecisive?”). When I came home, there were so many choices facing me head on -- do I move back to Cedar City to attend grad school at SUU? Do I even apply to grad school? What about BYU? Or the University of Utah? Should I look out of state? Boston? What would I study, if I were to apply? Should I continue with studying communication? Is there a way to study nutrition instead? How many courses would I have to “make up” to fit the pre-reqs for a nutrition program? Should I apply at KSL? Should I move to Salt Lake? Should I move to Provo? Apply at the MTC? Work at Kohl’s part-time? Live in Spanish Fork? Travel the country? Move back to NY and become a nanny? Apply for a job at the church? Move to Vegas? Work at Zupas? These were all legitimate thoughts in my mind.
Eventually, things began to fall into place (as they usually do, which means I should worry less and trust more!). In December, the day after I fasted for some answers regarding where I should be living and what I should be doing with my life, I was visiting my brother’s family in Florida and received two phone calls. Two companies wanted to set up job interviews with me. One was scheduled for when I returned; the other was set for Skype that week. Two days after my Skype interview, I was offered a job working for the Publishing Services Department for the LDS Church.
My first thought was, “Well, it looks like I’ll be moving downtown!” I was excited about that idea. I began perusing KSL ads, Craigslist, and soliciting help from local friends and family. But, as I started working at the end of December, I began going to the singles ward at home. And guess what? It just sort of “fit.” (And that surprised me quite a bit!) I had always, always been hesitant about going to my “home singles ward” but, all of the sudden it felt like where I “needed” to be at that point. As I looked at various apartments near work, nothing seemed to click. And so, here I am, living at home, and feeling like it is where I am supposed to be -- at least for a little while.
Basically, life has a funny way of working out. If you would have told me three years ago that after graduating from SUU I would go on a mission, I would have laughed. But if you would have added -- “And after your mission, you’re going to live in Roy, work in Salt Lake, and actually enjoy it,” I wouldn’t have believed it. It has been an adjustment for me, especially after being on my own for about 5.5 years. But, again, life works out. It just does.
And I’m very grateful for that.
So, here's to the future, to opening up new doors, and seeing what's behind them.
